Well well well. To be or not to be? That is not the question that I am asking myself. To stay or not to stay? That is the question.
It seems that after ten days of "Rest" my hip is still giving up the ghost and my thoughts on using Musy Thai as a means to rejuvenate myself aren't quite turning out the way I had planned. Maybe I could just try and "Box" but I can see that just making my injuries worse. I know that I can just gym and swim, although the half hour of cardio this morning almost killed me, mind you my mind wasn't on the job, all this nonsense that I am typing here was. So I am now at a cross roads of sorts, thankfully I'm not at the Crossroads Motel, that would be a little too bizarre to comprehend, and stupid, not forgetting impossible.
The pro's and cons, the costs and benefits and/or the SWOT analysis of the age old classic hit should "Should I stay or should I go now" is starting to echo in my mind. What does my gut instinct tell me, well not a lot, it seems to have deserted me of late. There are more questions than answers, is my mind uncomfortably numb? Does this point to the outcome that perhaps I should stay? The financial angle says I should return home. The state of mind angle thinks I should stay, but for the right reasons, for what reasons? I have noticed that I used to have a spark, don't seem to have it anymore, maybe I do, I don't know, maybe I'm just over tired.
The sun is amazing, it truly lifts the soul, but the boredom factor is setting in - no gym no structure which was getting me back on the tracks. I am trying too, and I am, filling my day with positives; actions and dos, so that has to be a positive. It's quite a solitary existence, travelling on your own, especially when I was surrounded by 60 people at the gym for 6 hours a day in that first week. However I have made a few decent people, younger travelling types, God they are still so bright minded, enthusiastic and naive - although maybe that's just youth and a blessed lack of relatively difficult times - long may that continue.
What I guess is good is that I have applied to do some online courses in online advertising management systems. Nice and random, you've still got it Dave, don't worry my son - it'll all come good, well, at least average.
Like I have said before, God knows what to do, but is there a God, oh God, we're not going down that road or up that stairway to heaven.
Oh GOD, I am sat on the balcony area of the reception and mad Italian lady has turned up and sat down behind me.... Seriously, I had no idea she was there until she started piping up and I caught the day glo in my peripheral vision!
Well anyway, such inane mumblings, but if I had a scooter that you could ride around on inside my head, that's what it would be like, this morning, with a bass like hummming white noise in the back ground that's sort of like looking into the distance with nothing really in focus as you day dream, do you ever do that? I seem to do that a lot. Is that a condition, a mental condition? Or is it just day dreaming? Think it's just day dreaming.
Thank God, she's just left, with her hand in the air, as per usual.
Besides, I have a great life really, especially relatively speaking to a lot of the planets population, but everything's relative I guess. I'm off to Bali next Saturday, see, amazing. I think I'll just join a gym here and keep pressing on with some working out and eating well. I have a loving mum and a garage to return too which swells my heart. So I'll decide what to do over the next few days. In the meantime I just hope I can keep me chin up, God I truly dislike that saying.
Hey, life's good, it's definitely what you can make it, you just need to make it - I just need some direction I think.
Oh and by the way, I do like a good laugh, and this makes me laugh every time I see or even think about it for some reason, it's brilliant http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ph9UeBy15OI
It's from Due Date.... please watch it. x
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