Grappling......

If you ever get offered the chance to have a "Grapple" I suggest that, especially if you are in a gym and stood near a rather large and immensely strong Eastern European bloke, you kindly decline.

A "Grappa" would have been pleasant.

Needless to say I accepted the invitation of a "Grapple", not to be confused with a "Snapple" (Ever).

In for a penny in for a pound as they say, when in Rome..... Well I am not in England nor in Rome, so why I said yes I will never know.

Let me just copy and paste an earlier mail, hopefully not my last ever.....

 Hi Ad and co.....

I'm just treating myself to some m&ms and a little toblerone.

Think that's allowed seeing as I haven't had a drop of alcohol in ten days!

A quick update.....We did some grappling work today (for the first time ever in my life), which is basically grabbing hold of your opponents neck, exerting a shed load of pressure on it and then, from what I could make out, trying to pull their head off or throw them to the ground, literally by the neck.

Yes, by the neck, the back of the neck to be precise, with both hands.

Somehow I ended up with a guy from Czechoslovakia who was your sort of build Ad, but about 6 foot 2, and just to add insult to injury he is a jui jitsu and judo black belt.... And to top it off, basically a hardened criminal. 

My neck, without exaggerating is feeling like it's been attacked by a short piece of scaffold and I dread to think what it is gong to be like in the morning.

It's a bloody good job that I am so bloody tired, hopefully I'll be able to sleep.

Anyway, it's twenty past seven and I am going to bed!

I am totally f*cked!

Dave

Anyway boys and girls, more grappling tomorrow, wahooo!

Never undervalue the joys of a warm shower

Well yesterday was my last day at the Rawaithan guesthouse. So I had to say goodbye to the legendary Hans (who was starting to turn yellow again....), Nancy the bar maid, the very friendly Dom (who is a very simple/chilled, pleasant and real easy going Italian/Australian) and of course one of the laziest maids in the world who was so lazy she couldn't/wouldn't even say her name.

So today I have up sticks and moved to The Happy Elephant which is 19,000 Baht (400 quid) a month.

Before that though I attended the morning session at Rawai Muay Thai, I now start at 6:30 am and basically do a bit of striding, skipping, cycling, more skipping and sweat like I am made from ice in 30 degrees celsius. We then did the usual 10 rounds of sparring with 10 press ups and sit ups in between. What with it being Monday I thought best have a weigh in as it's been a few days since my glorious weigh in of 88.1kg..... Todays weight..... wait for it....... 91.8kg..... What The F*ck!!!!

So I learnt a new move, which was to head butt the wall in disbelief..... My compadres tell me though that muscle weighs more than fat.....  Which I really don't care about as that's almost a half a stone swing in the wrong direction! It beggars belief. I am blaming the scales and the fact that I seem to be eating too much protein and my digestive system seems to have grinded to a halt.... enough about that I think.

The main thing though is that I do feel pretty damn good still and I am also going to blame Friday nights burger and Sunday afternoons pizza.... It's so bloody obvious that eating crap food produces crap results.

Anyway, I am in my new room which is smaller yet a lot more homely. The major plus point is a proper bathroom and I have warm water again...... mmmmmmmm lush hot water..... believe you me, every time I take a shower at home, I step in, turn the tap and lush warm water flows as if by magic and it's something that I have never really appreciated. It's just a case of standing there, covering myself in Mint Source, muttering to myself and wondering how boring the day is going to be or what I'm going to have for breakfast. Well not today, I was in heaven and the upside is I was thinking how great a day it is going to be as I am so looking forwards to the afternoon session at Rawai Muay Thai and also some simple food like some tom yam soup, which I am going to go and grab right now.

Catch ya later

One On One with no sugar coating

Not a lot happened in Phuket today in my line of sight.

Firstly I woke up early, well 6am as per usual, to go watch the guys training on the beach, unfortunately I picked the wrong beach - not a Muaythai boxer in sight. So I took a photo which you can see here.

Then I had my usual muesli fruit breakfast for a pound fifty, then collected my washing/ironing which was about 3 quid. So despite the UK's greedy bankers and the last so called left wing Labour government destroying the UK economy and pocketing huge castles for themselves it is still reasonably priced out here despite sterling being worth 40% less than it was say 2 years ago to the Baht.

Anyway, I then had a one on one training session with Jang who is a fantastic boxer and a happy soul. Amazing what some close personal tuition can do to improve your technique, needless to say I feel sorry for anyone who ever get's in the way of one of my basic kicks.

I didn't stay for the afternoon session as I am officially in pieces physically - fists, forearms, biceps, legs, neck, calves and feet feel like rocks. I cannot wait to hit the beach tomorrow morning and have a swim in the clear blue sea at Nai Harn.

So my second Saturday evening in Thailand YES my chance to chase women, drink beers, smoke the smokes and dance the dance.... I declined the opportunity yet again..... Thats a week alcohol free..... I was in bed by half past eight watching "Winters Bone" - which is the sort of film that makes you feel a bit sad that you are glad that it's not your life as that's how some people, probably a lot of people, have to live.

It's not the most uplifting film in the world, but hey, there's less and less sugar coating to spread around these days and the cracks are there to be seen.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at Muay Thai Class!!!!!!!

It's amazing the things you get to see at the gym...... The beginning of lifelong friendships between fellow men and women........ The kind hearted spirit of the Thai people who seem to be happier than most people I have ever met yet lead a very simple material existence than what I have been moulded into thinking I should be leading....... The generosity of time, care and attention that strangers give to complete strangers......... People pushing themselves to new heights of personal physical and mental achievement......... The smiles that come from striving to achieve and just believing....... The satisfaction that people visibly achieve by breaking down these invisible personal barriers that we all seem to have developed...... The positive state of body and mind that is being created............. (I'm getting all Harri Krishna here aren't I?).......And today I saw the stars - yes Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie started at the gym, can you believe it...... I'm so not becoming Hari Krishna as they don't tell white lies do they....... What I meant to say is - And today I saw the stars, in front of my eyes and realised that I had overcooked it a bit. Had to take time out. Felt dizzy. I'd hit the wall - metaphorically speaking. I was throwing aimless weak punches like I imagine Alan Carr would if he ever had a fight with a, erm, door to door bagel salesman.... He'd never have a fight, actually, maybe I should say Phillip Schofield and not a bagel salesman? Does it really matter? Oh God, I'm shutting up.

So another lesson has been learnt. I managed to stop myself from over doing it, or did I learn that one yesterday? Or did I under do it yesterday?

In five days I have done 25 hours of training, have lost 2.5 kilo's of weight and I needed a rest. So wisely I decided to step out of the ring and take the last hour of session two of the day off.

Some might say (cue Oasis) that this was down to the fact that the last hour of training on Friday is sparring time, the truth of the matter is that I was genuinely seeing the stars and that being in a Muay Thai ring is no place to be when you can't see straight.... a bit like Alan Carr... Ba Booom!

My mum would probably say that I should never set foot inside a Muay Thai ring...... That's mum's for you hey, you've gotta love and look after your mum, that's one thing that I have learnt over the years that's for sure. What I'm also starting to realise though, is that in order to do that, in fact do anything properly, you really do need to look after and love yourself.

You can take it or leave it.... Temp-Tation....

Well, well, well. I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that coming to Rawai to embark on a Muay Thai course is one of the best decisions of my life. However, I am also discovering that Thailand has a lot more to offer and there are "Situations-a-plenty" to get,,or not get involved in...... Needless to say "I left it".....

Firstly I must tell you that I was promoted to intermediate level today, wasn't allowed another day in the beginners class. This meant that the tempo and the general work rate went up a fair few notches. The hardest part of this was the five rounds of sparring, doing 10 press ups and 10 sit ups in between rounds, with a trainer running through all of the shadow boxing moves and also learning a fair few more, my elbow is fast becoming a deadly weapon!

In those fifteen minutes I drank a litre and a half of water. Intense.

It's at this point that I am going to leave the Muay Thai chat for another day and explain what happened earlier today just before I headed back to the gym for the afternoon session, which might I add meant I missed out, sorry "Chose" to miss out on another session of an entirely different kind.

Let me just print the email that I sent to a very select few of my very closest friends..... I've made a decision.... The world needs to know about these things and if you don't like suggestive writing of a sexual nature, then please skip to tomorrow's blog..... If you do, and also want to learn about my previously to Muay Thai non-existent will power..... then read on... ps I am desperately trying to have a month off of the ale and attend every Muay Thai session during my first month here..... lame excuse......

Guys,

Just thought I'd tell you a tale......

I may have become a Harri Krishna (have the haircut for it),  gone completely mad, or both.....

It's all a question of how long I can keep saying NO for now, and today at 1:30pm I performed one of my most miraculous "NO'S" ever..... EVER

So, I'm having a little soak in the small pool here before I shoot off to the afternoon session of training..... "Hans" the sort of "Dutch/Danish party-animal-ex-sailor-lady-killer-50-year-old-typical-thai-expat-sex-addict" (Fair play by the way) owner of the bar arrives and asks me for my ipod as his new "Girlfriend" is coming over with her friend (He's all happy with me for giving him all my tunes and letting out a room for ten days to these two pretty hot Russian chicks about half an hour earlier) and he's all - "I think you'll like her friend David - she is a hottie with a very tight ass" No shit, he actually said that........ I suddenly start getting a little extra "Drag" as I'm doing the breast stroke..... Anyway, 5 minutes later these two ridiculously hot Thai girls rock up and my breast stroke threatens to turn into the "Vinegar stroke"......

So.... I get out of the pool, and think, "Bu*ger! I'd best get my Thai boxing gear on and get out of dodge before my Harri Krishna impression goes all Harry Hill and I start jibbering..... So I go into my room, give it ten minutes, come out looking like an extra from Thai Rocky, and the girls have not only got out of their jeans and are in their bikini's at the bar....BUT there are now SIX of them (Yes SIX) and this is what I am met with when I walk into the bar "Daveeed Daveed we love your music, funky funky".......(I'd put on Groove Armada before they'd arrived) So I just say, I know a song you'd like and put on "I see you baby, shaking that ass", the next thing I know it's all happening,  they are all shakin' their asses at me! In their bikini's! And I am almost having to put my boxing gloves on to stop me from having a Tommy Tank......... Hans is behind the bar groping his birds t*t's, with a beer in his other hand  whilst sporting one of those "Smiles", offering me a free one and I'm like "No, I have to go boxing in an hour or so"...... and then suddenly, as if Harry Potter has turned up with a wand, they are all in the pool.... "Daveed Hans, come for swim, it's lovely, come come....."....... And my own wand suddenly sprang into action.....

What the hell..... I am a man.....I am weak.... And my good God...... I put on Faithless's "Tweak your nipple" ......... then just dived in......... And whilst under the water I lose a contact lense, seriously ; and just decide "No". I basically come up at the other end and say "Girls you enjoy the music, you look great, I must go Muay Thai"...... reply  "Ooooh you so strong...."

If only they blo*dy well realised how strong I was being.

Anyway, I've just got back, three of them are still here, Hans with his, some dodgy looking smiling expat bloke with another and a third one.... Well I am now going to walk straight back through the bar and go for a normal massge.

Seriously boys.....

That is no word of a lie.

Just re read it. Not one word of it!

(And now they are in thee pool again, F8ck)

(I've got to get a photo somehow)

I must add that this isn't a regular occurrence here at what is a lovely guest house, it was probably just a moment in time, and I'm kinda regretting going boxing this afternoon. But hey, I've proved that I have will power. However those girls were all such beauties and a fine fine example of some very friendly funny intelligent Thai ladies. None of whom btw were in the employment that people associate with this part of the world.....

I'm hoping that "They'll be back" as I may have to get my cap in hand if so.

Getting Cocky.....

Well today has been a long day, primarily because I have been so tired after the impromptu "Ministry of Sound" gig here at the Rawaithan Guest House's bar last night.

The Muay Thai stepped up a few gears which wasn't at all needed, but I put in 110% and it has paid off - if I don't get any sleep tonight the bar man is getting a good old fashioned hiding tomorrow after promising me a quieter night this evening - only joking.

My headline today isn't there to grab your eyeballs, it's mainly to remind you that when in Thailand you need to be careful when having fun at the bars. I was chatting to a guy at the bar here when I came back from the gym and he had a great tale. He took his wife and 17 year old son out last night for a few drinks and come home time he was really pleased, as a dad would be, to hear from his son that he'd met a young lady and would buy her one more drink before following his parents back. Needless to say the lad tried his Aussie luck and managed to trap the said lady and brought her back here to his room. The lucky fella, his first ever bar room pull, good lad.

Now I don't know the ins and outs of what happened, but what I do know is that the lad got a lot more than he bargained for when he woke up this morning. Yep, you guessed it, he obviously hadn't sealed the deal the night before and was probably waiting for today, being "Australia Day" before he gave her some Aussie Gold.... By all accounts he was lying next to her in the "Spooning" position and went for the good old fashioned "Reach around" only to find the "Meat and two veg" when he was expecting one hell of a lot less!!

So there we are boys, a Lady Boy strikes again!

Top tip, as much as it's good to look a lady in the eye or whisper sweet nothing's in her ear..... When in Thailand it's always good to have a gander at the plates of meat to check they're not sized tens!!

Over and out campers, I'm moving up to intermediate at the gym tomorrow..... This could be our last goodbye!

Day 2 at the House of Pain

Well there's nothing like a bit of drama to grab the readers eye. But I did notice one thing at the Muay Thai gym this morning that made me question whether or not I should be there. Although the fact that I still am and cannot wait for tomorrow suggests that I am in the right place.

What I noticed were the intermediate level Muay Thai fighters, one level above beginners, my current level, practicing how to knee each other in the chest as they grappled with their opponents heads at roughly thigh height . Yes, kneeing each other in the chest, sounds pleasant that doesn't it. Sits alongside a day out with Nick Griffin (who needs a knee in the head) or if you are very lucky being told you have nice socks in Clifton by a Dutchman (Excuse my sense of humor there, entirely inappropriate, I'll put a sock in it). Anyway, I digress, had there been a contract and had I signed it, then fair enough, that is something that I could only blame myself for signing - which reminds me of a few contracts that my ex-business partner had me sign, they turned out to be more of a kick in the nuts and a knife to the throat though - however, I haven't signed any contract on this occasion, thinking about it, maybe I do need to learn these new skills: the world can be a very dark and dangerous place at times.

So, this afternoon, on my second day (get ready for a non-chufty chufty badge moment) my excellent teacher Jang proudly says to me "David, you learn quickly, you promoted already to intermediate level". I almost had a John McEnroe moment, but there was no point, Jang was being serious - I have never been so disappointed with a promotion nor lost the ability to do a perfectly executed left kick into the midriff so quickly.

So the art of Muay Thai for this man here is to suggest he take two more days at beginner level as he has a weak calf muscle and wants to get it a bit stronger before he moves up to intermediate level. That and the fact he's a  little bit shocked and is thinking maybe he dreamed the chest attacking technique. And let's be honest, it was a little unnerving and I am a bit frightened.

Now one of my reasons for being here was to lose a few more pounds. To this end I have lost 1.1 kilos' in one day. Weighed in at 90.6 kilos on morning one, and was 89.5 kilos this morning. So if weight loss was on the contract, you eat good healthy food, drink lot's of water and you put in the effort, then Muay Thai could be the one for you.

In all honesty I am absolutely relishing the experience. I am feeling more positive, focused, motivated and determined to achieve my goals with each passing session. The people, the place and the experience are turning out to be even better than I was told to expect. Time seems to have stood still and everything seems so much more worthwhile.

So boxes are starting to be ticked, I've started to add some more as well, one involves the purchasing of an elusive roast chicken from Tesco Lotus, guess I still have the ability to be random.

Nb. When travelling don't give Thai bar girl at your guest house your music collection for her 120 gb ipod that had 49 songs on it.... until you leave...... after four nights of relative tranquility since the night of my arrival might I add, it sounds like the Ministry of Sound are doing a gig at the bar and even the owner has turned up and is loving it - in all honesty so do I, and it's only twenty to ten - party on guys..... I'll be loving you all at 6:00am when I head off out on my run though mind you x.

First Day At Rawai Muay Thai

The last time I was wearing a pair of shorts as loud and as bright as the ones I put on at 6:30am this morning I was having a dream. That dream was last night, and the first thing I thought when I woke up this morning was "Thank God dreams don't come true....."

So having had a bit of a nightmare the past few years I find it ironic that having come away to learn the art of Muay Thai my dreams have started to come true, I just hope that they aren't limited to me wearing bright clothing.

This is my first personal blog and I'll admit that there may be some personal content. I hope this will be received with a pinch of salt, a wry smile and with the recognition that I have "Chosen" to come to Thailand for 2 months on a personal mission. The mission isn't to wear bright shorts..... it's a lot more personal than that. I have never been able to get my head around the idea of reading self help books, so I've finally decided it's time to help myself.

Anyway, now that is out of the way I'm going to tell you where I am.

It's 10am at the Rawaithan Guest House, I'm sat at a table, overlooking the pool, there's a Thai cleaning lady in the background jibbering at such a high pitch that I am expecting to be joined by stray hounds at any minute and my mind seems a lot clearer than it did 24 hours ago, even 3 hours ago.... For me that last bit is the important bit.

The only explanation I can give for this is that I have just spent 3 hours training with about 50 other "Westerners" following the instructions of some very friendly Thai people who have wide smiles and could no doubt kill me in a split second with a foot to the back of my head, alternatively by asking me to do just a few more press ups, it was tough.

I hope I don't have any dreams like that this evening.

These people work at and compete for The Rawai Muay Thai Boxing School.

And so far so very good.

Take a look at their site and see for yourself.............. http://www.rawaimuaythai.com

That was session one, session two starts in four hours, for two hours.

I am now going to go and get myself some breakfast, I just had to write this before I did as I couldn't wait to tell myself what a great and enlightening experience this whole trip is now going to be.

Early evening has arrived and the afternoon session was a step up from the morning session. The pads, gloves and shin pads were put on by both students and instructors as we pressed on with learning the basic techniques.

In the morning session we warmed up for 30 minutes, then stretched for 10 and then basically endured an hour of "Shadow boxing" which involved the punches; jab, left/right, upper cut, left/right/left/right, elbows and hooks. Then we went through basic front kick and knee kicks. After this we spent some time on the bags, did 20 minutes skipping, 10 minutes on the tyres "bouncing" and then we warmed down for 5 minutes with stretches.

The afternoon session starts off similar to the morning with 30 minute warm up, stretches and then onto shadow technique. But then we had to don our boxing gloves and start doing bag work and pad sessions with the trainers for about 30 minutes. Then we learnt more kick technique against padded steel girders before we spent another 10 minutes on the tires, 10 minutes skipping, the warm down followed by 5 minutes of sit ups.

Needless to say that was a great day and in the spirit of being healthy my diet has amazingly joined in. Breakfast fruit, lunch some bread and jam with more fruit. And for dinner I had bbq chicken, green salad, jacket potato and 6 beers..... Sorry, NO beers again, despite them being only a pound a pop, I had water!

Arguably the best day my body and mind has had in years.

Bring on the next 23 days......